So I got the job at Pizza Hut. I should only have to work a couple nights a week, but the extra income will be pretty sweet.

Today I'm getting off work early because it's "good friday". WTF? What is that? Oh well. I get off work early!

My plans for this evening are kinda left open. I haven't made any yet. I'm looking forward to maybe just chilling out.

Koray left this morning to go camping, and won't be back until tomorrow. I get my goldfish tomorrow! My mom got me a fishtank yesterday. I'm excited.

I also bought a new shirt. Which really isn't all that exciting, but it is for me! It's pink and has lots of hippy things written on it. I bought matching eye-goop at hot topic so I could coordinate today when I wore it.

that is all :]

Today is busy busy.

I guess I should go over my previous day before I dive into today.

Last night I had about four different people wanting me to do things with them. And me, of course, can't say no and always tries to make everyone happy, so I tried to hang out with all of them and ended up not getting sufficient time with any of them.

Shit.

So at midnight I left Ramsay's party (which was actually pretty fun) and went to pick up Ashley. We got back to my house, chatted for a bit, we each took our showers and then by the time we got to bed it was around 3.

This morning, I had to get up at 7:30 so I could be at work by 9. I get here, I work until 11:50 ish, and then I have a job interview at Pizza Hut. Hopefully it won't take very long because I have a doctor's appointment on the OTHER SIDE OF TOWN at 1:30, which means I need to leave by 1. I also have to take Ashley home, so if I don't have time she might have to sit in the car during my appointments.

Then, at 3 I have another job interview with Carraba's Italian Restaraunt. They're being bitchy about my schedule and asking me to quit my current job. But see, they aren't offering me enough money for it to be worth me to quit my current job, so if they won't bend then I won't take the job.

Oh- they sought ME out for the job, so its not like I was applying or anything.

Anyway, after that Koray and I are going to the Y to work out because I'm fat and he feels the need to accompany me everywhere :]

UGH. Busy. Driving. ACK.

I'm sure my future-self would appreciate it very much if I updated regularly.

Friday night (3-14) was supposed to be Jay's 18th Birthday Party, but apparently, due to issues with his lady friend, it was post-poned. So, Koray and I decided to go get food (we went to Samurai's and I got chicken and scallopssss! MMMM) and as we're eating, Frankie called me and invited us to go to the park by riverside with her. She was recently dumped by her (and mine) ex girlfriend Megan. Soooooo.

Koray and I met up with her at riverside after picking up Koray's ginger friend, Dylan. We hung out for a bit, walked to the Perk and had some coffee, and then walked back. So then I took Dylan back to fat-guy's house and Koray, Frankie and I went to this coffee shop over by where we take dance lessons... Toc's I think it's called. Or something like that.

Anyway, so then Katie and her awkward friend Daniel met up with us, we ate waffles, I called my mom and asked if I could stay the night with Frankie, she said yes. So then Koray and I went back west to my house so I could get my overnight shit (because I'm high-maintenance like that) and then went back to Frankie's. Where we (the five of us: me, koray, katie, daniel and frankie) hung out, they (minus Koray and I) got really shit-faced drunk and then fell asleep all over the kitchen floor. Koray and I went upstairs, took a shower, and then fell asleep in Frankie's room.

The next morning around 8:30 we got up (after 3 hours of sleep), all of us went to McDonalds and got breakfast. Then Koray and I went to my house, snuck him in past my parents and then took off to WSU. There was a bus there, and we got on and went to Hutchinson on it. We got into the cosmosphere for FREE, wandered around the museum and watched an IMAX show.

Headed back, went to Koray's, took a nap, chatted, I went home.

END OF WEEKEND

Okay, that's a lie. There was sunday. But I don't remember what happeneddddd.

I WANT TO WRITE SOMETHING

I'd rather not go the fanfiction route-- I want to be able to share this with people, without being embarrassed.

But I can't get the storyline. I just can't think of any sort of plot that I could write! Everything sounds dumb to me. But I just have to write something. I keep listening to my old Coldplay CD's, hoping for some inspiration.

GAAAAAAH.

Stupid Politik.

I wish I were a senior. I'm so READY to be OUT OF HERE.

I'm ready to wipe the slate clean, go to another city where no one knows me and I can just start fresh. Remake myself and make new friends.

But no. I get to stay here when everyone leaves and endure yet another year of the same old shit from the same old people who never get any nicer or any more interesting.

For once I'm actually not dreading Valentine's day.

Granted, I'm probably not going to celebrate it.

But at least it's no longer a symbol of lonliness, rejection and ostracizim (is that a word?)

God, this year has been so pleasant. I'm going to miss him.

I had a dream Ashley and Koray slept together, IN MY HOUSE, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

And when they were done, Ashley wouldn't shut up about how great he was and so then we go to the mall, and they're being all cutesy with each other and I'm sitting in the front seat and I'm crying and neither of them even bothers to look at me.

I think I have a complex.

Saturday I got my new car.

It's a brand-fucking-new blindingly red 2008 Toyota Yaris. We had to drive up to Hutch to get it, Ashley came with us but she lives with us, so that's not a big shock. Anyway, we get up there and I get into the car and it has 200 miles on it. No joke. It was fucking EPIC.

I love the car so much. I can't figure out how to show my parents how thankful I am, other than be really nice, do the dishes and drive safely.

Anywayy. I love it. love it love it love it. Ashley and I nicknamed it "The Jellybean" because honestly, that's what it looks like.

I got an auxilery cable today so that I could plug my iPod into the car (It has a place for that!) and listen to my music on my amazing speaker system. It's awesome.

Anyway, did that Saturday. Friday I mostly ran around with Ashley and TJ. Saturday evening I dropped Ashley off with TJ at her gramma's house and picked up Koray. We went to a party but got lost so we ended up not going, and then we met up with Frankie and her girlfriend Megan at the Warren, saw Cloverfield (best and worst movie at the same time) went back to Koray's and farted around until midnight when I went home.

Ashley was already at my house when I got there, waiting for me, and TJ's clutch in his jeep stopped working, so I had to drive him home, back east. His car sat in my driveway for a few days. Then yesterday Ashley and I got up, farted around until 1ish. I dropped her off at home so she could go to the YMCA and then I picked up Koray again. We farted around some more until 6, when Ashley and TJ, Brandon and Cissa, and Koray and I went to dinner at Johnny Carino's. It was awkward.

After that, we dropped off TJ, took Ashley home and then went back to Koray's until I had to be home at midnight. We just took a nap. We do that alot.

Anyway, then today Nathan woke me up and we hung out until 2:30 when he had to go to wrestling practice and I came to work. I had planned on seeing him after work, but it's getting icy and I don't want to risk it with my new car.

Just keepin' ya updated. Peaceeee

TODAY WAS THE BEST DAY EVER

So Koray and Grant were over last night, stayed till past midnight, and then Grant went home and Koray stayed until around 3AM. I had to sneak him through my window, which I felt INSANELY guilty for and will discontinue doing. I'm enough of a ninja to get away with it some other way.

Then I wake up to Koray again this morning at around 10, he pokes and prods me out of bed, we get McDonalds breakfast and then we head down to the Museum of World Treasures.

We spend roughly 4-5 hours there, then head back to his house. He says he has a surprise for me, so when we get there and he pulls out a thong I tell him that he has to wear it.

He does. Not for long though :]

ANYWAY. And then for the next four hours we sit on the same couch in the same spot just chatting and periodically napping until Stephan comes over.

And then I go home.

BEST DAY EVAR.

Kthx.

First off: White Grape Peach juice is ORGASMIC. Lets just get that out in the open right now.

So last thursday my dad ran over my FUCKING CELLPHONE. What is it with the month of January and my cellphones being dead? Last January my cellphone got washed. Now it got ran over.

So anyway, since my parents are going to be buying me a new car here soon, they can't buy me a new phone OR help me with my plane ticket to Seattle in June.

Which means:

I have 200$ RIGHT NOW. I have a job that I work 10 hours a week at and make 5.85$ an hour.

On February 3rd, I can get a new phone for 150$. By June, I need to have 400$ to pay for my ticket.

Good God.

So the next four-ish months I'm going to be saving like crazy. Sorry if I become a jew.

BACK TO THE CAR:

I'm thinking about getting a Toyota Yaris. Okay, fuck that. I'm seriously considering/ completely in love with the Yaris. It's amazing. I want one.

But my bad-ass, lesbian side wants a Scion (xB, bitches. I like the box) or a Mitsubishi Eclipse. Or maybe a Jeep Wranger. Shit. I love those.

I dunno. I dunno. I DUNNO.


INDECISION



okay. I'm done. Life is good though. I'm rather pleased with my boyfriend. I'm rather displeased with my phone situation, but hell, shit happens. I'm also getting a new car. YEY!

New semester as well. Hope this one is good :]

I'm feeling better. It's an ironic sort of better, but it's better.

I'm kinda still wishing she'd call me though. Maybe I should call her? Would that be awkward?

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY.

I'm fucking SICK.

Didn't I get a fucking FLU SHOT?! Isn't that supposed to keep me from GETTING THE FUCKING FLU?! Goddamnit. I'm missing work because of this shit.

It's official- my immune system BLOWS HARD ASS.

Turkey's gross but I thought I'd honor the holiday anyway and make a list of everything I'm thankful for:

1- My family; especially my mom. She's loving and supportive and understanding and never has once let me down. She works hard to keep us (and our house!) afloat and I'm pretty sure without her, we'd all die.

2- My parents both have good jobs so that we aren't starving and we have a beautiful house (even if it's located in the middle of FUCKING NOWHERE) and we have poptarts <3 and other yummy snacks! We are able to buy fairly nice things and we are able to do things that we want to do without worrying about money or running out.

3- My friends; Mostly Nathan and Ashley. They are my rocks, my comrades, my therapists, and whoever-the-hell-created-us KNOWS that I'd be pretty fucked up if it weren't for these two. Sometimes I don't show them how much they mean to me and I really should do it more. Then there is Stephan and TJ, who make me laugh and listen to me bitch when I need to. They're always there for me and we've had many a great time. Koray and Brian who don't take things too seriously and we've had too many good times, wandering around playing Cancer Ball!

4- My Health, which is really something I don't think about too much. But I am pretty fuckin' healthy and even if I do get sick, I'm taken care of properly so that it goes away. YAY DOCTORS!

5- And last but not least, those adults in my life that serve as mentors and teachers; who help me in all their infinite wisdom and know when to say "Hey. Stop being stupid." Thanks guys :]






And now I'm off to eat some rolls. Peace~!

Another Note To Self:

Smart-ass, sarcastic, smug self? Please start existing again. Kick out overly-joyful, bouncy and giggly self because I'm starting to get sick.

kthxbi.

NO SCHOOL TODAY OR TOMORROW OR THE NEXT DAY. NO WORK TOMORROW OR THE FUCKING NEXT DAY.

LIFE IS GOOD.

Why do I feel so good when you call me? When you tell me that you need me? Why do I want to be with you every waking moment?

Why why why why why why why

why can't I explain you?

There is only one person in this world who truly makes me happy. She means more to me than anyone, and I don't think I could live without her. I would die for her, if it meant that she'd be happy. I think I'd die without her. I love her more than life itself.

One year ago today I was abandoned by someone I felt very strongly about.

One year ago today, I realized that the world isn't always rainbows and butterflies.

One year ago today I decided to never let someone rule my life.

One year ago today I promised not to give my heart out so easily.

One year ago today, I wondered if I'd ever meet someone like that again.

One year ago today, I felt emotions that I had never felt before.

One year ago today, I didn't think that I'd ever be thankful for it happening.

One year ago today, I didn't think I'd ever get over you.

But you know what? I did.





I decided that taking this day, and tomorrow, to reflect on what happened a year ago wasn't being clingy, nor does it mean that I'm unable to let go. I decided that instead of making it an "Oh, one year ago today bad shit happened and I'm so sad and I wish it hadn't happened blah blah blah poor me." that I'd look back on it as a remembrance day and think to myself "One year ago today, I had something thrown at me and I was able to overcome it and become a stronger, happier person because of it."

So really, this day is a day for me to celebrate myself. Celebrate everything that's happened in one year and be thankful for everything that life has handed me; good or bad.

One year ago today, I would never be the same again.

Yay Halloween Express is over.

Yay for getting paid.

Yay for plane ticket to Seattle.

Yay for christmas shopping!


Life is good. For the most part.

I found out yesterday that there was a bunch of stuff going on with Ashley back in April that she never told me about. When I asked her why, she told me that we "weren't close then."

Fate, I once again direct this question at you:

What the fuck?

So, I asked her, if we weren't close then, when WERE we close? And she listed off some months the summer before, when we first met, in which I didn't even consider her a real friend, let alone a close one. I guess it just made me reconsider how I perceived our entire relationship.

But at least now she's telling me things, right? And maybe, if I work hard enough to make ammends for all the times I fucked up over the summer, we can get to an even better place than I thought we were. Maybe when things like that happen again, she can tell me then instead of being afraid I'd judge her.

God. I feel like a horrible person.

Okay. Two major things on my mind right now:

1) I can't believe I ever thought that he could replace her.

2) I can't believe I ever thought that when it came to me and dating, I'd ever get cut a break. Seriously. What horridly bad-chi thing did I do to make my karma so fucking bad?